5 Secrets to Deepening Intimacy as a Couple

A flooded bridge, lionfish fingers with sweet potato fries, and a long drive home in the middle of the night were just a few of our memories from Punta Gorda.

When we learned that the Legacy Captivated Outreach Tour I’ve been a part of was going to a place in Belize that we had not yet visited we knew we wanted to go together! Our time there was way too brief and we hope to go again. It was surprisingly peaceful and everyone we encountered was so friendly. We had a great time going from house to house with the outreach team, inviting people out to the concert, giving away some of my cds, and praying with those who asked for prayer.

Tom and I chose to drive down early so that we could spend a bit of time checking out the town before the outreach started. And both of us were so glad that we made that choice. We’d had a few busy weeks prior to the trip and we discovered an atmosphere that allowed us the chance to reconnect and refresh our tired spirits. One of my friends referred to our trip as little “honeymoon” for us and I agree with her.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about why that trip was so special for us even though it ended with a little more adventure than we’d planned for due to the torrential rains that flooded the bridge on the only way in or out of the district. Tom and I realized that there are five reasons why we both felt a deeper level of connection and intimacy on that short little trip.

1 We truly enjoy traveling:

The U.S. Travel Association reported that couples who travel together are significantly more satisfied with their relationships, enjoy better sex, and have improved romance long after the trip ends.

Exploring new places is always a joy for us. Seeing God’s creation is never boring. Our favorite travel destinations usually involve the coastline. Strolling hand in hand near water is always romantic, relaxing, and inspiring. Punta Gorda had the invigorating smell of the sea with the breeze to match. The beauty of the Caribbean was on full display for miles and miles in the distance.

2 We love eating together:

A study by a team of Dutch and Canadian psychologists revealed that the simple act of eating a meal together can help bring you and your partner to an emotionally better place and create more intimacy in your relationship.

Whether we are sampling new foods or enjoying old favorites it’s fun to sit and chat over a good meal. It gives us time to unwind, make plans, or just simply enjoy each other’s company. Taking a break from cell phones, work, and other distractions is definitely nurturing to our relationship.

3 We shared laughter:

There is great satisfaction to be found in creating humor as a couple. Research found that "playfulness between romantic partners is a crucial component in bonding and establishing relational security" and that laughter, "particularly shared laughter, is an important indicator of romantic attraction”.

I remember telling God that I wanted to laugh for the rest of my life. And I know that he brought Tom and I together for that reason. Whether we are laughing over something that occurred along the way in our travels, or over something seen or heard while we’re out ("pimento cheese" - text me & I'll clue you in on the joke), or even Tom photobombing my efforts to capture our moments together on film, we’ve always found humor as a way to deepen our bond.

4 Our shared faith was strengthened:

We’ve valued our mutual faith in God over the past 35 years of our marriage. No matter what we face together we do it with God’s help and guidance each step of the way. As we were out with the team going from house to house my admiration and respect for Tom grew each time he offered to pray for someone, I felt supported as he prayed for me before I sang that evening, and it was a great comfort to pray together before we drove home in the middle of the night when the flood waters had receded from the bridge. Research also validates the importance of shared beliefs but our own personal experiences of weathering the literal and figurative storms in life strengthened and encouraged by our faith in God have been invaluable to us.  

5 We created positive memories:

Each time we travel we add the memento of a shared experience to our collection. One of my songs, Love Is, is based on a list of memories we’ve created. Drawing on those memories is part of the fun of being together. Even our four hour drive home from Punta Gorda in the dark of the night evokes a positive memory of supporting one another through encouraging words and prayer as we navigated unlit portions of the highway and narrow one vehicle bridges in the rain.

Each trip we take together, no matter how short, is a time of re-connection, renewal, and romance. And I can hardly wait for the next time as I cherish each memory of all the trips we’ve taken over the years. God has been good and we have been blessed!

Princes' Isles, Turkey

Grand Bazaar, Istanbul, Turkey

Pune, India

Paris, France

Cancun, Mexico

Now is the Time for Action!

Learning to act instead of constantly reacting.

That is my first thought about how to handle the endemic problems of child neglect, abuse, exploitation, and suicide. From the top down, meaning government officials, police, social workers, teachers, and from the bottom up, meaning family members, neighbors, friends, pastors, we must do a better job of protecting children.

Mistakes that lead to the death of a child are more than just simple errors. They are travesties.

Timidity and fear and complacency and callousness have to be put aside.

Action is needed.

Some systems that are in place need to be acted upon and some systems need reforming.

Attitudes need changing.

Hearts need transforming.

Children are dying!

Children are living with horrors they can’t put into words. Children are living in chaos their vocabularies aren’t equipped to fully articulate. Children are experiencing depression and anxiety. Cyberbullying can be lethal. How many more have to be abused? How many more have to grow up broken and perpetuate the cycle? How many more have to die at a caregiver’s hand before change comes? How many more will commit suicide because life is too difficult to bear?

I’m thinking of the young teen whose death was ruled a homicide and her parents are the main suspects. Many people thought there was something going on. From my research it appears that multiple reports were made over the past few years to the US Embassy, the Department of Human Services, and the police, but nothing substantial came of them.

Now a child is dead. Parents are in jail. The remaining siblings are now under the care of Human Services.

I’m thinking of the children who have attempted or committed suicide over the past several years. From 2012 until July 3, 2017 117 Belizeans committed suicide. Of that number 7 children between the ages of 10 and 14 and 8 between the ages of 15 and 19 committed suicide. What is driving these youths to the point where life is no longer bearable and death is the only answer? Was there cyberbullying involved? How does a 10 year old get to a point of despair? What was going on in this child’s life? Was there abuse? Was there mental illness?

As reported in Belize on Channel 7 News; Lorna Perez, Surveillance Officer, of the Epidemiology Unit states, "The statistics are alarming, they definitely call for action and we need to act now." And also on Channel 7 News Sylvester Cadet from Barbados said, “cyberbullying has led to very grave circumstances including suicide.”

Action, not reaction, is the key.

In the case of the 13 year old the post mortem report makes it clear that this child was sexually and physically abused. It’s horrible when a living child has to undergo an exam to determine if they’ve been carnally known or not. But, it’s a tragic shame when the information comes as a result of an autopsy.

In the case of suicides involving children, we’re left sometimes to wonder. There may have been neglect, bullying, mental illness, abuse, that caused a feeling of despair so deep that the child cannot move on. When suicide cases come to light everyone looks for a place to assign blame. But, when do we break the silence surrounding the issues that perpetuate these actions?

Reacting and protesting are great ways to bring attention to a cause! But as stated previously action is required for lasting change.

Action is making a call about your suspicions every time something occurs out of the ordinary

Action is befriending the child and providing a safe environment for them to open up and talk

Action is actively listening to children when they are speaking to you

Action is noticing changes in behaviour

Action is enforcing the laws regarding neglect, abuse, and child endangerment

Action is doing your job even if it takes effort to investigate

Action is reporting and punishing the perpetrators of cyberbullying

Action is being a voice for those who cannot speak up for themselves

Action is foregoing judgment to offer assistance

Action is keeping things confidential and avoiding gossip

Write. Speak. Sing. Recite poetry. Make the call. Ask the hard questions and listen carefully to the answers. Be your brother’s keeper. Be the hands and feet of Christ on this earth. Seek justice for others.

Listen, love, and learn what you can do to be a part of the solution.

The time to criticize and condemn has passed and the time to reach out and help is upon us. And it will only work if we each do our part. It’s great when people rise up in reaction to a tragic event. It’s even better when that reaction leads to continued action. Pick up a cause and move forward with it.

Let your voice be heard and do whatever you are gifted, able, and willing to do to bring about change!

3 Life Changing Moments

Can you think of a moment in your life when you had an experience that changed everything?

I remember the night that I got the phone call from my brother John informing me that our brother Bruce had been in a car accident that left him in a coma. Just as time is marked by the birth and death of Christ so my memories are split before and after Bruce.


I was reading in chapter 20 of the book of John and I noticed three types of encounters with Christ;

1. Jesus appears to Mary and He gives her a Message.
2. Jesus appears to the disciples and gives them a Mission.

3. Jesus appears to Thomas and gives him a Mandate.

Message. 
Mission. 
Mandate.

Let's take a look at each one:

John 20:11-18

Jesus meets Mary Magdalene early in the morning outside of the tomb as she's standing there, crying, alone, and lost in her grief. He reveals Himself to her, but she doesn't recognize Him, so He calls her by name. She’s thrilled at the sight of Him and wants to hold on and not let Him go...but He wants her to serve Him.

She is given a task she must complete. She must tell the disciples about Jesus' impending ascension to the Father. She is the one chosen and entrusted with this important Message. 

John 20:19-23

Jesus meets with the disciples later that same evening as they are locked away in fear. Thomas is not there. Jesus comforts the rest of them with His gift of peace, He reveals Who He is, He breathes on them and tells them to receive the Holy Spirit, and then He explains what He wants them to do. Armed with the blessing of the Holy Spirit they are now expected to step outside of their fear...He is sending them out of that room and into the world...because they have a Mission to accomplish.

John 20:24-29

Jesus meets Thomas eight days later. Thomas is present with the other disciples this time but he is filled with doubt. Jesus greets them all with His peace and then turns His focus onto Thomas. This doubter is called upon to touch and see the scars of Christ, He highlights Thomas' need for proof and then He gives him a strong Mandate to obey regarding his attitude...stop doubting and BELIEVE!

All of these encounters with Jesus are up close and personal. Do you long for such a meeting with Him?

Perhaps, like Mary, Jesus is right there with you in your grief but you have not recognized or perceived His presence. Perhaps, like the disciples you're in fear of what's coming next. Perhaps, like Thomas you're in doubt and waiting for God to prove Himself to you.

Are you ready for a life changing encounter with Christ during this season of your life? Perhaps, as you open your eyes and your ears and your heart to Him, He will reveal Himself to you. He will comfort you. and He will meet you where you are. 

Are you ready to be sent forth with a Message to give? 

Are you seeking to be sent out on a Mission for Him?

Are you in need of a Mandate regarding your current attitude?

Whether you are in grief, in fear, or in doubt, 

God will meet you right where you are.